Beansprout
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: For some reason, Allen reacts oddly to the newest shard of Innocence he and his friends found and finds himself changed. And by changed, he really meant the size of a bean sprout. He could practically taste the sadistic glee and torturous enjoyment Kanda would get from this. Slight perverseness later, Kanda being a bitch, Yullen/Arekan, swearing, and a disgruntled tiny Allen.


**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I was in a writing mood for the first time in a while, and this idea has been stuck in my head for a while now. **

**This fic is going to be pretty short, but hopefully silly and funny enough to make up for that. Oh, and the next chapter is going to have some suggestiveness- nothing too bad, which is why it's not rated M. Just Kanda unwittingly using the sex appeal that he has so much of but barely ever uses. Maybe he should replace some of that kick-ass sass with sex appeal. **

**Actually no. I like Kanda being the bitch he is.**

**Well anyway, I don't own DGM.**

**This chapter is just kinda an intro because it doesn't actually offer anything from the summary except for swearing and tiny Allen. **

**xxXXxxXXxx**

Allen's vision was shrouded with black. There was no inkling of light, no vague outline of anything, just darkness and more darkness. Something heavy was pressing down on him, and his breathing became shorter as panic clogged his throat— had he gone blind? Was he dead? All he could remember was defeating the swarm of akuma and swiping up the shard of Innocence from the blood-stained battle-ground, and then that was it. There had been a bright flash of light and Lenalee screaming his name, and then nothing.

He could hear sounds— they were muffled, but they sounded vaguely like people talking. He couldn't quite make out any words, since whatever was on top of him made it hard to breathe, let alone _hear_, but there was the distinct murmur that even through his panic he could make out as hysterical speaking. The supposed hysteria only made him even more worried— _What the hell happened to me?_

Reaching out blindly, his mismatched hands met softness. He jerked back automatically. Well, that wasn't what he'd been expecting. Hesitantly, he reached his hands out again, this time brushing his fingers across the softness— that felt oddly like his coat, as weird as that was—, his mind working frantically as he tried to assess the situation. It was dark. He was encased in something soft. He could still hear the frenzied voices. And— _Oh my._ He let his hands brush over his stomach and scar again, and it only confirmed his discovery— He was naked. Completely.

His face blazed, which he supposed was stupid since it was dark and no one could see, but nonetheless the idea of being nude in a place he didn't know freaked him out quite a bit. Maybe an akuma with a sick sense of humour had somehow gotten him, and he was… naked, and trapped in a tough fabric of sorts? Maybe somehow, Tyki, with his twisted sense of humour, had found him and was playing a nasty joke? It didn't really make sense, but he couldn't come up with anything more intelligent.

A prickle of concern tickled in his chest as he wondered where Lenalee and Lavi were, and the finder they'd been with. Were they okay? How about the Innocence? He knew Lenalee generally let her emotions get the better of her, but Lavi knew when it was important to just take the Innocence and get the heck out of there, so he supposed that the Innocence was at least safe. Of course, that was assuming that his friends were safe.

A grumbled sigh escaped him. How was he going to get out of this one?

His thoughts drifted, and he heard a snide voice say in his head, _Use your tiny brain, bean sprout, and figure it out._ Automatically, his irritation doubled. Leave it to Kanda to invade his thoughts with snarky words when the swordsman wasn't even on the goddamn mission with them. Allen groaned. If he ever got out of this, he could just _see_ the mocking smirk and contempt in Kanda's slanted eyes, and it simultaneously made him want to decapitate someone and blush at the same time. He shook his head. _This isn't the time to think about Kanda and his bad attitude_, he told himself. _Come on, Allen… You've been in tighter spots before._

Before he could dwell anymore on the subject, he was suddenly blinded as whatever was on top of him was lifted away. Blinking against the sudden light, Allen made out big shapes in front of him, and stepped back in shock. "What the hell?" he whispered, heart pounding. His eyes finally cleared enough for him to see what the shapes really were, and his eyes widened hugely.

"Lenalee?" he exclaimed, gaping up at her. She was… she was holding his coat, an expression of pure shock on her face, and she was _huge_. Maybe he wasn't the tallest guy around, and yeah, Lenalee _might be_ an inch taller… but not this. She was literally towering over him. As in, five feet and six inches towering over him. If not for the fact that he was reeling in shock, he vaguely realized he was in the perfect position to gawk up her short skirt— not that he wanted to, but he was positive Lavi would take full advantage of this situation if he was in Allen's place. Before he could even stutter out another question such as _What the fuckin' hell! _or something else Kanda-like, he found himself being scooped up into the palm of her hand, which was about the size of a double bed.

He stumbled a bit and fell back onto his butt, but he was in too much shock to notice or care. He gawked up into Lenalee's huge purple eyes and she stared back into his wide gray ones with equal stupor.

"Allen?" she demanded, opposite hand nudging his legs with a slim pointer finger. Her voice sounded booming, and Allen flinched. "Oh my God, Allen, is that you?"

Lavi's face suddenly appeared next to her, eyepatch stained with crusted blood and green eye sparkling with disbelief and mirth. "Holy crap," he commented, a grin curling his lips. "It really is him! He's so tiny!"

Allen frowned indignantly. "I'm not tiny!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on here?"

Lenalee was still gaping. "You touched the Innocence and suddenly disappeared!"

"Or shrunk," Lavi snickered, bringing his fingerless gloved hand up to poke Allen's cheek. His fingertip was about the size of Allen's entire face. Allen grimaced and lolled his head away, mind reeling. This was _not_ happening. He couldn't have _shrunk_, how was he supposed to fight akuma when he was the size of a—

A beansprout.

Oh, he could practically taste the sadistic glee and torturous enjoyment Kanda would get from this.

He became suddenly aware of the fact that he was completely exposed, and that Lenalee and Lavi were still gaping at him. He squeaked and snapped his legs shut, hands flying to cover himself. Face burning, he asked weakly, "Do you have something I can put on?"

"Oh!" Lenalee's embarrassed exclamation was closely followed by a, "Here, Lavi, hold him!" and then Allen found himself being dropped into Lavi's waiting hands and much too close to the redhead's widely grinning face. That eye was sparkling with so much amusement and delight that Allen felt himself become quite annoyed. He didn't act on it. He was sure he'd just look ridiculous considering his size.

"Oh, Allen," Lavi cooed, "you were always cute, but now you're just fuckin adorable." His grin widened. "I could eat you up."

"Please don't," Allen replied dryly. "I don't know where your mouth has been, and I'm not interested in going in there."

Lavi sniggered again, bringing his finger up to nudge at the crown of Allen's white head. "I swear to God you're the cutest thing in the entire world right now. Please. Please let me keep you in my pocket and love you and cuddle you and call you Mr. Pookins."

"…Mr. Pookins, really?"

"Yes!" Lavi did something like a squeal and picked Allen up between his forefinger and thumb. Allen struggled and flailed around, blushing furiously because "_Goddamnit Lavi I am naked!_" and this whole situation was just really, really embarrassing.

"Lavi, stop torturing Allen," Lenalee's voice ordered, and then he found himself being snatched from Lavi's fingers and softly placed back onto her cool palm. He found that he really didn't like being man-handled. He looked up at her bloodstained face— the fight against the akuma had been a really tough one— and she smiled, dropping a small piece of ripped cloth next to him. "Here. We obviously don't have any clothes that'll fit you, but just wrap that around yourself for now until we can find out what to do, okay?"

"Thanks," Allen murmured, pulling the piece of red cloth, which seemed to have been ripped from Lenalee's already torn skirt, tight around his shoulders. He glanced down, a wave of vertigo sweeping over him at how high up off the ground he was. Swallowing it down, he pointed to his coat. "Can one of you guys carry that? I don't want to leave it here."

"Right," Lavi said, bending to pick it up and bundling it under his arm. "Sheesh, you're lucky. If the zipper had fallen on you, you might have died."

Allen didn't answer, his heart racing as panic clouded his mind again. What was he going to do? He couldn't reach his goals being this size. He was virtually useless like this— as good as the bean sprout Kanda oh-so-disdainfully claimed him to be. Allen felt nauseous.

"What am I going to do?" he whispered. He held his head in his hands and breathed, "Oh my God, what am I going to _do_?"

"Allen, it's okay." Lenalee's soft voice drew his attention, and he looked up through the frustrated and hysterical tears shining in his eyes. She offered a smile. "I'm positive Komui can figure out what to do, so don't worry, okay?" She brushed her short hair behind her ear, and then lightly tapped his tiny arm with her finger in a strange mock of an embrace. Her concern made him feel a bit better, and Allen's lips curved up in a wobbly smile.

"You really think he'll know what to do?"

"Of course! He made Lavi and Kanda turn into little kids, remember?"

Allen snorted a little bit, the memory bringing forth hilarious images of the furious Kanda screeching up at him from four foot one. "You're right." He stood up in her palm, subconsciously pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders. He looked around the battleground, eyes passing quickly over the dead akuma and dodging the blood spatters on the dirt and matting the grass. The small village visible in the distance seemed like a whole other world. "Where's Timcanpy?" he asked, pulling his eyes away from the scene.

"I told him to head back to HQ and let Komui know we might be a while coming back," Lenalee explained. "That was before I realized you just shrunk and didn't actually disappear."

"Okay. And the Innocence?"

A green glow to his right answered. "I've got it," Lavi said.

Allen frowned as he stared at the fragment the redhead was slipping into the pouch at his hip. "Why aren't you the size of a flea?" he asked, his voice taking a pouty edge.

Lavi shrugged. "Hell if I know. I've never seen anything like this before." His single eye narrowed in on Allen, its green iris full of bewildered curiosity. "I've seen Innocence change peoples' behaviour and psychological development, but I've never seen it change someone's physical appearance." When Allen raised an eyebrow, Lavi elaborated, "I mean like this. Your parasitic Innocence changes how you look when you activate it, but that's different. _This_ is a whole change of the size and anatomical structure of your body. That doesn't happen very often. In fact, I can't remember a single case of it ever happening in history… It really should be impossible."

Allen felt his shoulders slump. "And of course it would happen to me," he said glumly.

"Cheer up!" Lenalee piped in. "You're special, Allen, we already know that. Things like this happen to special people. Such are the perks of life."

"Woo," Allen said unenthusiastically, whirling his finger beside his head in a 'woopee' motion. "Sometimes I think life just wants to kick me in the butt."

"Maybe it's fate." Lavi smiled in a mysterious way.

Allen gave him a strange look. "What?"

"Now you can really live up to your status as a beansprout!"

"When I get back to normal, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

**xxXXxxXXxx**

It proved to be too much of a hassle to keep Allen in the palm of her hand, so Lenalee had delicately dropped him into her breast pocket. Allen didn't mind, really, because at least he was safe in here and didn't have to worry about being dropped and/ or stepped on. Plus, despite the fact that he wasn't all that into women, he had to admit that breasts were awesome and made for a very nice place to rest, no matter his sexuality or current size. Not that he'd ever mention this to Lenalee. She could be scary sometimes and he didn't really want her to think that he was a pervert or something and only pretending to be gay so that he could touch her boobs.

It was dark in the pocket, but he focused on listening to the sound of her heartbeat to force himself not to think about horrible things like _What if I never get back to my normal size_? He had to believe that Komui would know what to do. After all, the older Lee sibling had gotten him out of and into countless scientific messes before— Allen didn't see why this should be any different. It was just an Innocence-afflicted disability; that was all. Innocence wasn't permanent, and so there _had_ to be a way to fix this.

He wondered if they were almost back at the Black Order HQ. Earlier, he and Lenalee had parted ways with Lavi and Bookman, who'd met up with them at the train station. The finder they'd been with had accompanied them, and as that trio made its way to the train to Zurich, Lenalee with Allen in her pocket boarded the one that would bring them and the Innocence shard home. It had to have been at least two hours of the bumpy train ride, so they should be almost done.

He gripped the fabric in his hands and climbed up so that he could poke his head out of her pocket. Lenalee's hair brushed the top of his head as she looked down at him, and he gestured for her to bring her hand up so he could come out. She let him climb onto her palm.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I just wanted to get out." He looked out the window, but it was dark and raining and hard to see. "Are we almost there?" he asked, anxious to see Komui.

"We're about fifteen minutes to town, and then it's the twenty-minute gondola ride to HQ. So long as we don't encounter any troubles along the way, we'll be there soon."

"Good," Allen breathed, relieved. "You didn't forget my coat, did you?"

"No."

"And the Innocence?" Allen's voice held a trace of resentment towards the stupid thing. "We have it?

"Yes, Allen, it's in my pocket. Relax."

"Right. Sorry." Allen sighed. "I'm just a bit freaked out, you know?"

Lenalee smiled, although it looked a bit more like a sympathetic grimace. "I can imagine," she said, looking out the window. "But don't worry. We'll find a way to fix you. I'm sure that Hevlaska will have some ideas if Komui doesn't."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Don't think like that," Lenalee chided him, poking his little chest reproachfully. "Since when are you Mr. Pessimist?"

"I'm Mr. Realist," he muttered.

"I thought you were Mr. Optimistic."

"I was. I've just come to realize that sometimes, there isn't a happy ending."

"You sound like Kanda."

"Ugh, no. Kanda is like _Mr. Pessimistic is putting it lightly_ with a side of _Fuck you_ and a dessert of _I will slash your throat and grin like a crazy bastard as your blood pools around my boots_." Allen's mind wandered towards thoughts of his Japanese rival/friend/person/thing and his face took on a sour look. He let out a groan. "Great. I hope we don't run into him while I'm like this. I can just hear the beansprout comments already…"

"Aw, that's just Kanda's way of showing affection."

Allen snorted in a rather undignified way at the usage of 'Kanda' and 'affection' in the same sentence. "I wouldn't call it affection."

"Trust me, I know Kanda better than anyone else does around here, and he does care about us. And that includes you, so don't give me that look." She looked at him crossly when he raised his eyebrows like she was crazy. "You know it's true."

"He's got a lousy way of showing it…"

"Oh, like you're any better, Allen." Lenalee's voice held a trace of mirth and when he looked up at her, she was smirking. "It's blatantly obvious how much _you_ care for Kanda, and I don't see you being even remotely nice to him half the time."

Allen's face reddened, his stomach twisting. "Well, I'm not gonna be nice if he doesn't bother to try," he muttered, and then said louder, "And what do you mean, it's obvious how much I care for Kanda? Don't… don't say it like that, it sounds weird."

"I said it how I meant it," she replied evenly. "Weird or not, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Allen really thought that he shouldn't be able to blush this much since he was tiny now. Apparently, that wasn't how it worked; his face was so hot he thought that he might wither away into nothingness, leaving behind nothing except for a shard of Innocence and the bright red piece of Lenalee's skirt. He groaned again, looking out the window to avoid her knowing amethyst eyes.

The rest of the train ride was spent in silence. Lenalee put Allen back in her pocket as she walked off the train, briefcase held firmly in one hand and the other holding an umbrella above her head. Allen climbed up her pocket again and hung at the opening, watching the rain fall around them as Lenalee hurried to the gondola that would take them to the Black Order's HQ and to Komui. Her boots made clicking sounds against the cracked gravel and splashed in shallow puddles, the rain so loud that the sounds were nearly drowned out.

Allen had to nudge her breast and yell to get her attention. "Are we going to be able to use to gondola in this weather?" he shouted.

Lenalee kept her gaze focused forward, but she was frowning. "I don't know," she said grimly. She quickened her footsteps.

"We can take the other way," Allen suggested. "The one where you walk in?"

"We might have to get a hotel and wait out the storm."

Allen panicked a little bit. "But—"

"Look, I know you want to see Komui, but it wouldn't be safe to travel in this weather."

"You're right," Allen relented, feeling a bit disappointed but well aware that Lenalee was right. It was too unsafe to risk going out on the water; he could see the waves roiling and churning threateningly on the horizon from where they were standing now. He tugged her coat and pointed to a little café nearby. "How about we get something to eat and see if the weather clears up?"

"I can't let anyone see you."

"I know," Allen said. They would have to explain about the Innocence, then— they couldn't do that, since the Black Order and exorcism was supposed to be a secret. One that wasn't well kept, in Allen's opinion; after all, they wore coats displaying the emblem out in public and it wasn't as if they made themselves discreet whilst doing their job. But still, it would be tricky trying to explain why he was the size of Lenalee's pinky finger without going into the topic of Innocence. He spoke again, raising his voice as a gust of wind brought rain slamming into the wall next to them. "Don't worry, I'll make sure no one sees me."

"Alrighty then," Lenalee said, using her finger to nudge him back into the pocket. "I'll order a sandwich and fries, is that okay?"

"Perfect. Can you also get—"

"You can eat when we get back to headquarters. I'm not ordering your amount of food, Allen, people will stare and I don't want them to think I'm fat."

Allen rolled his eyes, the slight bounce throwing him off balance and letting him know that Lenalee was walking again. He sat down and waited silently, vaguely hearing the rain stop and the jingle of a bell as Lenalee walked into the café. He heard her talking pleasantly with one of the staff, another female with a sweet voice, and then Lenalee was moving once more. A few seconds later, Lenalee pulled him out of her pocket, glancing around quickly before whispering, "So what are you going to do?"

"Can you put me down?" Allen asked, nodding at the table. Lenalee did so and he scrambled to hide under her napkin, shoving the silverware off of it so that he could cover himself completely. He heard Lenalee giggle and made a face, angling the opening of the napkin so that he could see outside without being spotted himself.

"Nice," Lenalee said under her breath.

Allen could only snort. This was the most ridiculous situation he'd ever gotten himself into— including the one time he'd had to try and explain to an extremely displeased Kanda why he was in his room, making his bed and wearing a stupid maid outfit. It was after that day that Allen had firmly decided he was never going to make and lose a bet with Lavi ever again. His cheeks were hot from remembering how awkward it had been, and how Kanda had looked like he was going to blow a vein in his forehead, and how he had been blushing through his anger, and how— He quickly decided to stop thinking about it. He didn't need to be thinking about Kanda when he was in this situation. Actually, he didn't need to be thinking about Kanda ever.

The waitress came around and Lenalee ordered the sandwich and fries. Allen wanted to talk to her, because it must be awkward sitting at a restaurant table by herself, but didn't want people to think she was crazy and talking to thin air. So he remained silent, occasionally poking his head out from under the napkin to see what was going on and maybe nod hello at her. After what seemed like forever, the waitress finally came back with a glass of water and the ordered food, and after saying a polite thank-you, Lenalee lifted the napkin a bit and urged him to come out.

"Sit down here," she said, pointing behind the piece of lettuce she was taking out of the sandwich. "I'll nudge some fries your way and you can have this half of the sandwich. Good?"

"Perfect," Allen replied, relieved. He was starving. He climbed up onto the plate, feeling vaguely irritated when Lenalee giggled and had to help him by nudging him up with her finger. He crawled under the piece of lettuce and instantly started devouring the fries (which were literally twice the size of him) and his half of the sandwich. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was relieved that the Innocence had only messed up his body, and not his parasitic Innocence and huge appetite.

Since the food was so big in comparison to him, he could only stuff in seven or so fries and his arm's length of the sandwich. Completely stuffed (and sad, because it tasted really good and he really wanted to eat more but was afraid he might throw up if he did), he pulled the lettuce back and grinned at Lenalee. She had been done for a few minutes, but was picking at the fries so the waitress didn't come and take her plate. She smiled when she noticed him and set down the fry she was idly nibbling on.

"Done?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Had the weather cleared up?" he hushed back, trying to spot the window. Lenalee nodded slightly, casually moving aside the lettuce and picking Allen up between her fingers, looking around to make sure no one spotted him.

"It's drizzling now," she explained, this time setting him on her shoulder. He grabbed ahold of the collar of her jacket so that he didn't slide off as she murmured, "I think we should go before the storm starts up again."

"Sounds good to me."

Lenalee left some coins under the glass as payment and they walked outside, the little droplets of mist not affecting Lenalee but instantly drenching tiny Allen to the bone. He didn't care too much, though; he just wanted to get back home, so he kept quiet about it as she hurried over to docks and to the Black Order member who brought them to their boat.

"Shouldn't there be another exorcist with you?" the man asked.

Lenalee let out a little tinkle of a laugh. "There is." She pointed to Allen, who smiled half-assedly. The man gawked.

"What on earth?"

"Long story," Lenalee said, boarding the boat. The man climbed in after her and pushed them away from the dock, and they began floating their way back home. Allen stared up at the tall, dark building protruding from thick forest and looking mysteriously hazy behind the clouds roiling around its tip, his mind set on only one thing: Komui. He hoped to hell that the man would know what to do.

Really, he didn't mind the nickname bean sprout too badly— but if he had to _be_ a bean sprout for the rest of his life, Allen was going to raise shit.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Did anyone else die of cuteness whilst picturing Allen hiding underneath a napkin? I know I did. Beansprout!Allen is fabulous.**

**Please leave a review or drop a fav so that I can know whether or not this is worth continuing. :) **


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